Updated: Jun 28, 2022
I wanted to continue from my blog Love and Self Worth as this is still a hot topic amongst my clients and friends. Past negative dating and relationship experiences can really impact our current dating and relationship behaviours. Both men and women experience issues equally but my experience is mostly from a woman's perspective. Men, this may help you too!
Our previous bad dating and relationship experiences can really hold us back from finding that perfect person and maintaining a happy, healthy relationship. Experiences such as being ghosted, cheated on, overly dominated and being verbally, physically or sexually abused. We can become stuck in a cycle of fear of moving forward and repeating the same mistakes.
I'm going to focus todays blog on ghosting and the effect this can have on future dating. Ghosting is when our date decides they don't want to move forward with us and chooses to go silent on us rather than communicate how they are really feeling. We may have done it ourselves at some point but this lack of honesty can leave the other person feeling confused, used, angry or frustrated, especially when you have spent more time with them. When we are ghosted or our date is not completely honest with us during the early dating phase, it can cause us to second guess everything. Do they like me? Have I put them off? Did I come across too keen? Are they just busy? Are they dating other people? Did they use me for sex? All this can massively effect our self worth.
In truth, finding the right partner takes time. There could be a number of reasons that your date is texting you less often or are less enthusiastic then they were at the beginning. When they start to show less interest do we discuss it with them and risk coming across needy, spend hours second guessing it with friends or just knock it on the head before we get hurt? Dating is tough and you are not alone with these struggles.
So how do these experiences hold us back? When the right person comes along, we hold back about our feelings out of fear of coming across too needy and scaring them off, when in fact that is not the case at all. Often we end relationships out of fear of getting hurt again. We get sick of second guessing what the other person is thinking, whilst at the same time holding back our true feelings.
I have helped friends and clients through their triggers at the early dating stage and some of the relationships have blossomed into a beautiful lasting partnership. This is not always the case but is it worth throwing away a potentially good relationship due to previous bad experiences?
If something does not feel right, ask yourself if this feeling is based on a past experience or if it is your gut warning you that this isn't right for you? It's very important to identify between the two. My advice is to trust your gut and work on your fears. As much as you deserve good communication and honesty, you can't change someone else's behaviour, however you can work through your triggers. Allow a little patience, remove all expectations on what you want from this person and focus on enjoying getting to know your date. When you are in this place of calm, you can make the best decision on if you want to continue getting to know this person or not and if they are a good match for you.
Let me know if this resonates and feel free to share your experience in the comments below.
Good luck and happy dating!
love Sarah Creatrix ❤