I’m writing this blog to help with my own personal healing journey, in the hope that you will learn something also. I have recurring dreams that I am running away from people. These are scary people that are trying to harm me, I wake up in fear and leave the light on until I fall back to sleep. Our subconscious speaks to us in our dreams. It shows us our fears and what is holding us back. Lately my spirit guides have been opening up about what it is I need to release so that I can stand in my true power. My healing journey has been a long but exciting journey of self-discovery and I am now ready to move to this next stage of standing in my power!
I am being shown how I keep myself small, I hide my spiritual gifts from others and play down what my spiritual ability is capable of. It has a lot to do with jealousy. Accusing someone of being jealous has always felt wrong and arrogant. I remember being picked on at school and my mum repeatedly explaining that the girls were just jealous. Jealous of what?? I wondered. I never believed her, she was my mum and was trying to make me feel better. I just assumed certain people didn’t like me and I was used to that. Jealousy has been an emotion that I have never really understood growing up, so it was easier for me to just believe the behaviours of others as a genuine reaction. I learnt to toughen up and no longer take people’s BS. This empowered me in a new way, and I was able to stand in my power in my new masculine energy.
Since opening up spiritually, I have had to strip back this masculine energy, leaving me feeling open and vulnerable. I have been experiencing bullying in a way that I have not experienced since my childhood. With my new feminine energy, I cannot use aggressive tactics to defend myself, so instead have gone back to childhood ways of keeping myself small and just trying to fit in. The bullying has come from friends, colleagues, ex-boyfriend and spiritual groups. I have felt scared, hurt and extremely emotional over this.
There are many reasons why people can feel threatened by a spiritual gift:
- They feel I am inside their head, and this scares them.
- They struggle to control me.
- I see through their lies and manipulation tactics.
- I mirror their emotions.
- They feel threatened by honest guidance.
- I make them feel like their spiritual gift is not good enough.
- They compare their spiritual growth to mine and feel like life is not fair.
When people become angry and frustrated with me, I end up apologising, treading on eggshells, backtracking and pretending my gift is smaller than it is. As much as I want to, I cannot blame other people for reacting this way towards me. I have attracted this behaviour through my own fears and trauma. That’s how life works!
My guides showed me that the root of my trauma started when I was 6/7. I lived in Saudi Arabia at the time and attended an American school. My best friend became jealous that I had a better sticker collection than her so went home and told lies about me to her big sister. The next day her big sister and friends surrounded me in the playground and threatened me. Accused me of things that I had no memory of doing. Although it was only over stickers, this event really traumatised me. That’s how trauma works! I lost a lot of confidence, I became withdrawn, afraid to upset someone or show that I was better than them in any way. I would still brag about exciting experiences I was having but would end up backtracking whenever I could feel a negative reaction.
Solitude has really helped me detach from other people’s influence so I can focus on my healing, thus opening up my spiritual gift even further. So now I am being guided to shout from the roof tops about my gift! I have such a beautiful connection to energy. This sensitivity that used to feel like a burden is in fact my superpower! I can connect to spirit in a way no one can. I can join someone on a meditative journey and pull-out supressed memories, connect to their spiritual gift and show them how to use it, and offer life changing guidance. I can help people discover their own unique gift and step into their confidence so they can also make a real difference in the world. I am no longer keeping myself small and neither should you! We are all amazing and we should never let anyone make us feel otherwise!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love Sarah Creatrix ❤